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I used to love Raymond May 10, 2010

Posted by clintcarter in Family, Life.

10 years ago I really enjoyed watching “Everybody Loves Raymond”.  I would even set the VCR to record new episodes.  I loved the witty remarks and jabs among the characters.  I even told Carey that I thought a lot of the same things that Ray’s character did – I was just smart enough not to say them  out loud:)

Due to the wonder of Netflix, I recently decided to watch the last couple of seasons that I had missed.  Carey and I started watching the episodes last week.  As we began to watch them, there was a growing awareness in me of how destructive the marriages in the show were.  Harsh words for a sitcom, I know, but here’s what I mean.

I couldn’t sit there and enjoy watching as they demolished their marriages through constant belittling comments and barbs.  One-ups and verbal sparring have no place in a healthy marriage.  In fact they are poison.  If you want a successful and mutually satisfying marriage, it has to be based on upon honor and respect.  There’s no other way.

As a counselor/pastor I have observed lots of marriages.  I’ve had people push back against this idea saying “that’s just the way we are” or “that’s how we express affection for each other”.  Nice try, but those are just excuses for not dealing with underlying insecurities.  Either you don’t want to be vulnerable with your spouse or you don’t know how.

I still love witty comebacks and verbal sparring and enjoy it regularly with friends.  But I value Carey and my marriage too much to belittle her or make “harmless” jabs about the security of our relationship.

So long Raymond.  Nice knowing you.



1. singinginthedistance - May 10, 2010

Yeah, I caught a rerun a while back and was really struck by how miserable everyone appeared to be in that show. I am certainly one who enjoys a little good-natured ribbing, and it is one way I display affection, but it’s a very thin line to walk and is only tenable if it isn’t the only way affection is supposedly displayed. It wasn’t even fun to watch, it just depressed me.

2. Tweets that mention I used to love Raymond « the things you choose to be -- Topsy.com - May 11, 2010

[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jason Lee, Miles Fortesque. Miles Fortesque said: I used to love Raymond « the things you choose to be: One-ups and verbal sparring have no place in a healthy marri… http://bit.ly/cU5u77 […]

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